My childhood was pretty normal. I cannot remember too much, but there are certain things that happen in your childhood that define who you are! 

I grew up in a Christian home, but looking back I can only remember that we did say grace before every meal, but that was it. Almost like a kind of a habit. I cannot even recall reading the word of God or even talking about Him. I also remember going to church, but that also did not mean much to me. 

THEN IT ALL WENT DOWNHILL...

I was only 13 when my father passed away. I suppose trauma can suppress even memories, as I cannot remember what we packed and how we moved and what my mother did with my father's belongings. All I remember was the news given to a young teenager that just started high school. 

Next thing I knew, I was in a new school, not even a few weeks after my father's death. Things quickly went bad. My mother started having a life outside the home and because of respect for her, I will not go into detail but what I can say is that she eventually was an alcoholic. The relationship between us started to die. I rebelled completely. By the age of 16, I was drinking, having parties and going to all the nightclubs you can find, only to return home the next day, just in time for school. My mother had no idea. She was hardly present.  Today, being older I understand why my mother was doing what she was doing and why I rebelled.  

I met my husband the same year my father passed away. Only saw him twice, but I was completely in love, but the feelings were not mutual. We went our ways and he went to the military and I went back to school, completely drawn to what the world is offering. Then...the love of my life contacted me after 4 years and this time the feelings were mutual. My last year in high school was just studying. I passed with distinctions because I was so afraid that I might fail and that our plans to move in together will fail.  

We lived together for 2 years before our local church knocked on our door. Up until this day, we have no idea how this church knew about us. They ministered to us and even told us that we will be censored if we remain living together. At that moment, we did not really care, but we knew that we would need a church to marry us, so we got married on the 14th of May 1994. 

CHANGE IS COMING, AND WE DID NOT EVEN KNEW IT!

My husband got a better job and I had the opportunity to start my own business. Things were looking great. We did not have much money, but we were coping. Only real responsibility was food on the table and paying rent. The rest was just extras and we could manage skipping a payment now and then. My shop was in a newly built center where there were a few shops across from each other. Really cool atmosphere. Three shops away from mine was a butchery. A girl named Isabel worked there. The most friendliest girl I have ever met. She was always smiling, hugging and chatting away with every single person she met. I knew she was different but I kind of kept my distance.  

One day, she told me that she played the flute and I was curious to hear her play. She told me the only way I will ever hear her play is at her church. Now that was the last place I wanted to go. I heard about her church being called the "happy clappy" church, so obviously, I was a bit afraid of what might happen as I am not a "hugger" and both my husband and I do not like to draw attention to ourselves. This church was known for that. People will just come right up to you and start talking to you or even worse, the pastor will just call you up to the front. 

Humans are curious, and I told her that the moment someone pays attention to us we will just stand up and walk out. She needs to understand that. She agreed and we never knew, life as we know it, will be changed forever. We made sure we sat way at the back of the church, close to the door so we can escape quickly if we have to. The service started with people playing music on instruments such as drums, guitar and of course the flute. To us that was so wrong. We grew up in a traditional church where respect was of the utmost importance. No jeans, no loud music, no laughing...just serious stuff.  

The service was long, longer than what we are used to. Nobody made eye-contact with us and when the pastor said amen we were gone. The next week, we found ourselves in the church again. There was a force pulling us. I know it sounds very strange, but it was a love and hate relationship. We wanted what the people in that church had, but we were very afraid. Week after week, we sat at the back and disappeared just before the end until one day we had a knock on our door. It was the pastor from the church. How on earth does he know where we live? The Lord my friends, works in mysterious ways. We were very surprised but invited him in. He told us that he saw us in the church and would just like to come and say hi and answer any questions that we might have. 

Now, I was ready for him as I had a whole bunch of questions. Why do you clap hands?  Why do you baptize adults? Why is your church so different from what we are used to? Why do you allow people to wear any type of clothes?  The list goes on and on and he answered every single one of them with love and kindness and it all made perfect sense.

BIGGER CHANGE COMING...

We are now members of the Apostolic Faith Mission Church. We always knew about the Trinity, but it was like listening to music. It was just religion. Sunday's you put your Sunday hat on and then in the week you indulge in all the things the world can offer. One Sunday another pastor came to our church. He was known for baptizing people with the Holy Spirit. This fascinated us, because we have heard in the church people sometimes speaking in tongues and someone revealing what was said. I knew the Bible spoke about that, but I did not believe that it was pertinent in the times we live. The pastor asked if anyone would like to be baptized with the Holy Spirit. A few people went to the front and it felt like I was nudged. I thought, if this thing is real, it will need to happen to me to believe it. I could not believe it, when I stood up, my  husband followed. There we were, in front of the church. The pastor separated all the women from the men. He explained what is going to happen and what our part was. He started to pray, we prayed and we lifted our hands up. 

Everyone around me started to speak in tongues, but nothing happened to me. As I dropped my hands, it all happened. I started to speak in tongues. The most beautiful words came out of my mouth that I have ever heard. I had no idea what I was saying, but I knew that my spirit was speaking to God. I have never in my entire life felt so loved as at that moment. There are no words to describe what happens to you at that moment. It was life-changing. I cried, not because of fear, but joy that I have never felt before either. I did not know that such joy and love can be experienced by a human being. Yes, my hubby also spoke in tongues.

ON FIRE FOR JESUS

The feeling of shame, brokenness, not being loved, everything disappeared and I wanted to stand on the roof-tops and shout Jesus is King, Jesus is Real! The weeks to follow were both exciting and very challenging. Both my husband and I got baptized with water. We spiritually grew and even became the youth leaders for our church youth ministry. We loved it, but thinking back now, we were not even close to what we now consider as Christians. We never missed a sermon, but it was not because we wanted to serve others, but it was all about us. We believe Jesus is King, but there was no relationship.

GOING DOWN HILL

Tribulations started. My husband lost his job. My shop was not doing great at all. Our old car keeps breaking and we had to cancel every single debit order so that we could at least get some money together to move to the city where we can have a better chance of survival. The same day that we decided to close my shop; I was still packing everything into boxes - A woman walked into my shop and decided to buy it all - lock, stock and barrel. It was just enough money for us to rent a small place in the city and pray for a job.

GOING UP HILL

I got a temporary position and my husband started to do odd jobs that he could find. We were doing ok, but money was not a luxury yet. One rainy day, our car started to give trouble again. On our way home I told my husband to stop at a car dealer in town. The logo was a hand with a pink ribbon around it. Right in-front of the dealership the car blew the top gasket. It was the end of the car and we would not even be able to get a tow company to remove the vehicle. I told my husband we are going to buy a car today. As we walked into the salesperson office we were greeted with the most amazing site. Everywhere on the walls were posters with quotes such as Jesus is King, God is love and so on. The fact that we are standing right there at that moment in time was not just circumstances. It was all planned by the almighty.  

We left the dealership with our new car. The old car was taken as a deposit and approved by the bank. Somehow they did not notice that I was not a permanent employee.  A few days later, my husband was also employed and my temporary position became permanent. My position in the company grew and eventually I owned shares which were paid out a few times. We mismanaged our finances, wasted so much on so many things. Lots of big mistakes. We helped a lot of people but there was always that unforgiving heart inside me when we have helped someone and they have abused our giving hand. We were disappointed so many times over and over and it seems that we just never learned.

GROWING IN FAITH...BEING CHANGED...ONE SMALL STEP AT A TIME.

Funny, how it all now makes sense. God was working in our lives since the beginning. His hand in everything, even though we did not even have a personal relationship with Him. Lots of things have happened since then, but especially in the last 3 years, our lives completely changed. We now have a personal relationship with Jesus. We know who He is and we hear His voice. We serve Him and Him alone. Everything we do involves Him. We do not take one step without Him. Sometimes we have to let go of things in the world that are difficult, but we know that we are letting go of things that we will not take with us to eternity. All unforgiveness, pain, hatred and even that feeling of the world owes us something, or things that are not fair is something of the past. The Holy Spirit is very active in our lives. He warns us of things that can separate us from God continually. Yes, we still fall sometimes, but standing up is wonderful because we know Jesus' hand is reaching out.  Going to church is not just something that is done out of habit or religious law, we go to church as it is a place to worship the one true God, Jesus Christ, together with our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.  

As I am writing this blog post, I still have a heart that still needs change and Jesus said that He will continue working in me until the day He come to fetch me to be with Him. But I have incredible peace and love and I have learned so many things. Learning how to be gentle, forgiving, loving, caring...seeing others through the eyes of Jesus and not the eyes of the world. 

My dream for this blog is to share my journeys and experience of my walk with Jesus. I've been waiting for a long time, but it is now time to speak up and not be quiet anymore. The world needs to hear the truth from every single follower of Christ.